It’s harder to figure out than I realized. I’m doing this five-year journal called One Question A Day. So far, I’m enjoying it.
The first question (Jan. 1) is, “What goal would you like to accomplish this year?” to which I replied, “I want to gain flexibility and strength in all aspects of who I am.” My answer was vague enough to annoy me, so I added, “I would love to finish and publish Summer, According to Sam.”
Ah, now that is an actionable goal and one that I can read next year and either be proud of or upset with myself.
Then on Jan. 5 it asked, “What milestone are you looking forward to?”
I put, “Holding Summer… in my hands. I’d like Dad to hold it, too.”
So now my goal is not just to finish and publish Sam, but to have a print copy of it and to give one to my father. That should get me working on it.
But it didn’t. I have a whole year, after all, and probably several more opportunities to say I want to do it in my journal.
I Do What I Want
In a recent sermon, my pastor said something that made me think about what my behavior says I want. How am I spending my time? It seems to tell a truer story than my words do.
I go around announcing cheekily that “I do what I want.” I even wrote it on my name tag instead of my name at re:gen one night. But I was joking. Obviously, I don’t do what I want. I run around doing what everyone else needs me to do. Right?
Nope. I want to feed my family and take my sons to work and serve in all the areas I serve in. I have total freedom to plan my days, and that’s been true for years and years.
So why don’t I have a copy of Sam already? Nothing and no one is stopping me. Not even the book itself. It’s been accepted by a publisher, gone through the whole revision and editing process, earned me thousands of dollars, been crowned a top fave …
And now it’s sitting here opened but not drawing me in. I’m in the middle of yet another revision, and I’m so burned out on it that I’m cleaning my attic instead of working on it.
The problem isn’t that I don’t do what I want. It’s that I’ve incorrectly identified what I want. I don’t want to finish and publish my book. I want to have already finished and published my book.
Now what do I do about it?